You, Too, Can Screw Up a 1911

You, Too, Can Screw Up a 1911 Sheriff Jim WilsonIt has come to my attention that a lot of you folks still don’t know how to properly screw up a 1911. Therefore, as a service to my many friends in the shooting sports, I am offering this quick study that will allow you to get up to speed and properly cause impressive malfunctions and glorious jamming in John Browning’s old, out-of-date handgun.

BUY THE CHEAPEST 1911 YOU CAN FIND. Everyone knows that all 1911 pistols are just alike, so why give the Fat Cats all your money for one of their so-called quality pistols? Junk shops and yard sales are a good place to start looking. If you can find one made entirely from aluminum and discarded parts (I think it was manufactured in Lower Slobovia) jump on it!

BUY THE CHEAPEST MAGAZINES YOU CAN FIND. Just like the pistols, magazines are magazines. One of the best places to look for really cheap magazines is the trash bin at your local gun range. Some of them will be marked with an “X”; that is a clue!

BUY THE CHEAPEST AMMUNITION YOU CAN FIND. Are you seeing a trend here? Handloaded ammo from an unknown source is a good place to start. Get the stuff at your local gun show, or look for ads that read, “Bubba’s Amo Relowding Cumpany.” Hey, if a .45 hit to the little finger will knock a guy flat of his back, there’s no need to waste money on the expensive stuff.

DON’T CLEAN YOUR PISTOL. Hey, the gun made it all the way through World War II. And you can’t tell me that when those guys got some R&R behind the lines, they spent it cleaning guns. Besides, powder solvent stinks and gun oil is messy. It gets all over your keyboard when you are writing cool stuff on the gun forum.

LIMP-WRISTING IS THE “IN” TREND. Forget Point Shooting. Forget the Modern Technique of the Pistol. Limp-wristing is the truly modern way to go in this era of the Great American Sissy. Besides, a tight, firm grip makes the recoil smack our wittle hand and it hurts so bad!!!

JOIN THE STICK-ON CRAZE. You will have so much fun with this! You just get one of those big gun catalogs and buy anything that looks even remotely like it will attach to a 1911 pistol. Since all 1911’s are just alike, don’t buy into the BS that you need to have it fitted to your particular pistol. That’s just an ugly rumor that has been started by the greedy gun companies and gunsmiths. Okay, sometimes stuff just won’t quite go on the gun. That is so that you can get a hammer and a bastard file and enjoy the pleasure of doing real gunsmithing work.

There you have it! This is a guaranteed method to make sure that your 1911 malfunctions. And, when it does, think of the joy you will have in taking it to the local gun show and palming it off on some poor unsuspecting sap. Think of all he will learn from the experience. Sadly, he may never know who to thank for this education (I wouldn’t give him your real name, if I were you).

Good shooting (uh, I mean “Good Jamming”) to all!!!

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109 Responses to You, Too, Can Screw Up a 1911

    • PeterG says:

      Is Taurus the “cheapest” or can I stop hiding it and shoot in public without fear of giggles and groans?

    • Doc Montana says:

      I read it Jim. You nailed it. That’s why I have no reason to comment.

      But since I’m here, switch .45 to AK47 and it’s not humor, it’s a manual of arms.

  1. ensitue says:


  2. Jim, would you put up a pic of the right side of your old engraved 1911. I love the stocks, but have only seen the drivers side. Thanks

  3. Michael says:

    Hey guys
    My truck gun is a rock island armory 1911 commander sized .45. I have had it about 5 years and I have used it to take care of lots of 4 legged vermin and it has never failed to fire
    Not the most expensive but still damped reliable. Not bad in accuracy dept. either. I can kill cans as fast as I can pull the triggerror at 30 long paces( good enouph for most fight senarios) Most expensive is not always the best.

  4. Brian Radel says:

    Good site…

  5. Art says:

    Sheriff Jim I spend a lot of hours a week fixing home gunsmiths handy work! The 1911 is my baby and I see the humor in your article and feel the pain of the irony regularly!

  6. Joe says:

    I just spray mine down after each range trip with WD40. Mag in and loaded with ammo (because an empty gun is useless). Works great, other than the misfires….

  7. Jimmie Duncan says:

    I had Briley install a full ramp barrel and bushing and cleaned up the trigger. Their pistol smith is well known and designed Briley’s line of 1911’s. Wilson 1911 Magazines cannot be beat, period. I also shoot 200 grain wad cutters. I have shot several thousand rounds through it and It never jams. I feel perfectly safe using 200 grain wad cutters because they never let me down. I believe a 1/2 inch hole created by a 45 ACP is going to have a profound effect on a person. Yea I know the 45 bullet diameter is .451 but I ain’t going to argue the difference between .451 and .500. I have looked at numerous 9mm bullets shot through wet phone books and other silly stuff. The vast majority never expand greater than 1/2 inch.

  8. John Watson says:

    So I bought a Taurus thinking if it screwed up, I could always send it back. Before I shot it, I spent a month polishing the surfaces. You guessed it. They destroyed the original and sent another. So I checked the other before polishing and it shot fine. I spent another month off and on polishing and redoing the trigger and grip safety. Taurus has no idea how a Colt grip safety works. Theirs is trash. So now I”m an owner of two beautiful 6 hundred dollar guns which are flawless. But I know my limitations. Glocks are starting to have the same problems. Too many shadetree mechs who think they know guns. And what the heck is it about chopping holes in the slide for a 9MM?? Now you have a gun that can’t use full house 9MM loads????

  9. LMFAO…..haven’t enjoyed a comical read in a long time…Thank you Sheriff

  10. Gunsmithing is learned, not born with the talent or ability to do. Yes a lot of people try to do gun smithing , most find out they made a wrong choice to do it . All jokes aside clean your firearms after range time. Other than that what the hell are you talking about???

  11. You forget using a butter knife as a disassembly tool. I bent my slide stop. Happy, S&W slide stop fits an RIA GI 1911 drop in and it’s the cheapest , too. Works like a charm!

  12. Harvey Mosley says:

    Sorry, Sheriff. We can’t all afford to buy $3000 Wilson’s. I suppose I could sell most of my guns and the buy an “acceptable” 1911 but I enjoy shooting a variety of guns. My Rock Island Armory at $400 or less shoots as well as any of the Colts that I have owned or shot. It shoots better than the Springfields I’ve owned. It shoots as well as the Kimbers I’ve owned. It wasn’t even close to the Les Baer that I shot but neither were any of the others I’ve mentioned.

    I do agree about most of the rest of the article. I just see a lot of (unintentional) snobbish comments by intelligent and articulate writers and commenters that we really don’t need. Thank you for all of the good information you have shared with us all in the past but no one is right every time.

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